Max, the talking cat, is one of the wise teachers in Between. His maxims (which are also found in How to Transform Your Life and What You Believe Is What You Receive ) embody understandings that can help us all move forward in our lives with greater ease and joy.
Max's maxim for February is:
Trust is the cement that holds a relationship together.
(Greetings! Below is the February Maxim. Because there have recently been transmission problems, Shelby would like to offer a gift to each of you who writes to let her know that you have received this Maxim. When you respond, please include your full mailing address, and she will send you a copy of her new little book, How To Live Happily Ever After, from which this month's Maxim is taken. Please send your responses to the following e-mail address: bgshelby22@yahoo.com.
In the meantime, enjoy the Maxim, and remember that you can see it with full formatting, at www.shelbybeckett.com. You can also see the cover of the book there, as well as read about her other new release, What You Believe Is What You Receive. Best wishes, Max)
What is the most important ingredient in a successful personal relationship? The usual answer is, "Love," but there are many interpretations of what that means, some of which really don't lend themselves to creating lasting happiness. Possessiveness is often mistaken for love, as are obsession, "crushes," and even passion. Passion can contribute to an enduring relationship, but can't guarantee success unless the crucial element of trust is also present.
Mutual trust is the cement that holds a relationship together. It can only develop and grow strong in an atmosphere of consistently honest communication on the part of both partners. Honestly sharing your feelings may feel scary or even painful at times, but if you "swallow" your angers and resentments, they can blow up out of proportion and choke you. Repressing how you feel is certain to eventually destroy any chance of a lasting relationship.
Keep in mind that "honest communication" does not mean blaming the other person. Blame is a great divider. So, instead of demanding in an angry or hurt voice, "Why did you do that?", or telling your partner his/her actions or words were unkind, say something like, "When you said/did that, I felt (hurt, angry, upset – whatever describes your reaction)." Then give this person you love the opportunity to explain his/her side, and make every effort to understand the response with both your mind and your heart.
Consistently sharing your feelings with love and honesty allows you to feel safe with each other, because you're expressing your concerns without placing blame, and are also willing to understand the other person's position. This permits you both to begin to realize that neither would ever deliberately hurt the other. And this knowledge gradually creates the unshakable trust that will allow your relationship to weather any storm.
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